What an adventure and journey parenting has been... and it's only just begun. As we've stated multiple times throughout the conception of this blog, we do not claim to know everything about parenting- not even close. However, we feel that God has granted us a lot of wisdom and knowledge during our short years of raising our family that we want to share it... more like shout it from the roof tops what God is pouring into us.
It wasn't long after Amanda and I were married and moved from our small Atlanta apartment back to our hometown in Carroll County that we were introduced to the 5 Love Languages. A friend of ours mentioned to us that it would be worth reading in order to help us navigate through the differences newly married couples experience. Now, let me stop here and say that Amanda and I were NOT having marital issues- only times of differing opinions during this adjustment period. After all, we'd only lived around and with those that had raised us and been with us since birth. We were still learning one another's personality and idiosyncrasies. So, we entertained an audio version of the 5 Love Languages through a sermon series by Dr. Charles Stanley. I was usually the type to read and discover and then explain my interpretation to Amanda. On this particular occasion we both allowed time in our busy life altering schedule to listen to some of the wisest teachings we'd ever discover.
Fast forward to 2014 when thoughts began to wonder in my head about the possibility of our children having their own love language. I mean, learning each other's love language and personalities brought a whole new realm of grace and understanding when we made decisions the other didn't necessarily agree with or when the approach wasn't like “i would have done it”. Learning each other's love language also taught us how to … well, love one another and show appreciation toward each other. As we dug deeper into learning our own love language it was apparent that our children had their own love language as well. A quick word of affirmation didn't work for someone who was a physical touch recipient and a hug or display of affection wasn't efficient enough for one who was a gifts recipient. I discovered early on that Amanda's love language is primarily “acts of service”. She didn't need a “good job” or a dozen roses for me to show her how much I loved her. In fact, buying flowers for her had the opposite effect. She simply needed me to take on a few extra house chores without being asked. Once I discovered this little secret to our marriage it was like we were newly weds and we fell in love head over heels all over again. She discovered that I was an “affirmation” recipient. So, when I would go out of my way to clean house, make the beds, do dishes or laundry all she had to do was simply recognize that I had completed the task and say “babe, I sure do appreciate you doing _____” We were literally filling each other's love tank on a daily basis by discovering this little ingredient that has been so crucial in our marital development.
Fast forward to our first marriage conference at Free Chapel in Gainsville, GA Feb of 2015. Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of “The 5 Love Languages” spoke about several aspects of discovering your love language as well as the love language of those around you. Our eyes were opened to truly discovering our children's love language. Coming home from that conference put us on a mission. A mission for love. We've always had a great harmony in our home and family- but there was just something missing. We started trying to observe our children's actions more intentionally. Dr. Gary Chapman said something so profound that I don't think I'll ever forget it. He said, “What love language someone desires is the language they speak most often and most fluently”. I was always giving Amanda compliments and she was always busy “doing” something. When we heard that profound statement, it was as if a light went off. We watched our children, we listened to them and experienced their native love language with them over the next few months after the conference.
It occurred to us that when Connie spoke encouraging words and gave compliments excessively to her sister and brother that her love language was affirmation. We began to notice that Carsey was always looking for an opportunity to cuddle and snuggle up with you. Carsey would even want to cuddle at the most inopportune times. Canaan is still a discovery in process but we feel like he is developing into a “quality time” recipient. He is constantly wanting to “be with someone”. No matter what he's doing he wants to be with his sisters or one of us. Now, this could be his age and a number of other toddler developmental stages, but it has taken on serious merit when we stop what we're doing to spend time with him. Once we began to discover their love languages, we then took on the responsibility of putting what we learned into action. Sure, it takes extra effort to treat them special and individually but it's not about what they like, but moreover about what they require as developing little people.
We take opportunities now to make a big deal about Connie's gymnastics or academic accomplishments. When she wants us to “watch her throw a flip” we stop and watch so that we can give her the affirmation she needs. This has brought a brand new harmony and pleasantry to our little family. When we're hustling around to get dinner cooked or help with homework, Carsey will often times want to be held or take a moment to “hug it out”. As much time as this takes out of what we're doing- to not take the time to speak her love language would communicate an absence of love. Sure, we could treat all three of them as one unit and give general directions and expect them to do “what we say”. If we were so naive to think that actually works, their love tank would rarely get filled and they would quite possibly grow up into adulthood depleted from a language of love that was instilled in them by the one that created love, God. There have been so many experiences of enlightenment and joy created by simply speaking their love language that I would literally be sitting here writting until next year. With that being said, I look forward to sharing the joyous experiences in the coming weeks that speaking their love language has brought to our family.
It wasn't long after Amanda and I were married and moved from our small Atlanta apartment back to our hometown in Carroll County that we were introduced to the 5 Love Languages. A friend of ours mentioned to us that it would be worth reading in order to help us navigate through the differences newly married couples experience. Now, let me stop here and say that Amanda and I were NOT having marital issues- only times of differing opinions during this adjustment period. After all, we'd only lived around and with those that had raised us and been with us since birth. We were still learning one another's personality and idiosyncrasies. So, we entertained an audio version of the 5 Love Languages through a sermon series by Dr. Charles Stanley. I was usually the type to read and discover and then explain my interpretation to Amanda. On this particular occasion we both allowed time in our busy life altering schedule to listen to some of the wisest teachings we'd ever discover.
Fast forward to 2014 when thoughts began to wonder in my head about the possibility of our children having their own love language. I mean, learning each other's love language and personalities brought a whole new realm of grace and understanding when we made decisions the other didn't necessarily agree with or when the approach wasn't like “i would have done it”. Learning each other's love language also taught us how to … well, love one another and show appreciation toward each other. As we dug deeper into learning our own love language it was apparent that our children had their own love language as well. A quick word of affirmation didn't work for someone who was a physical touch recipient and a hug or display of affection wasn't efficient enough for one who was a gifts recipient. I discovered early on that Amanda's love language is primarily “acts of service”. She didn't need a “good job” or a dozen roses for me to show her how much I loved her. In fact, buying flowers for her had the opposite effect. She simply needed me to take on a few extra house chores without being asked. Once I discovered this little secret to our marriage it was like we were newly weds and we fell in love head over heels all over again. She discovered that I was an “affirmation” recipient. So, when I would go out of my way to clean house, make the beds, do dishes or laundry all she had to do was simply recognize that I had completed the task and say “babe, I sure do appreciate you doing _____” We were literally filling each other's love tank on a daily basis by discovering this little ingredient that has been so crucial in our marital development.
Fast forward to our first marriage conference at Free Chapel in Gainsville, GA Feb of 2015. Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of “The 5 Love Languages” spoke about several aspects of discovering your love language as well as the love language of those around you. Our eyes were opened to truly discovering our children's love language. Coming home from that conference put us on a mission. A mission for love. We've always had a great harmony in our home and family- but there was just something missing. We started trying to observe our children's actions more intentionally. Dr. Gary Chapman said something so profound that I don't think I'll ever forget it. He said, “What love language someone desires is the language they speak most often and most fluently”. I was always giving Amanda compliments and she was always busy “doing” something. When we heard that profound statement, it was as if a light went off. We watched our children, we listened to them and experienced their native love language with them over the next few months after the conference.
It occurred to us that when Connie spoke encouraging words and gave compliments excessively to her sister and brother that her love language was affirmation. We began to notice that Carsey was always looking for an opportunity to cuddle and snuggle up with you. Carsey would even want to cuddle at the most inopportune times. Canaan is still a discovery in process but we feel like he is developing into a “quality time” recipient. He is constantly wanting to “be with someone”. No matter what he's doing he wants to be with his sisters or one of us. Now, this could be his age and a number of other toddler developmental stages, but it has taken on serious merit when we stop what we're doing to spend time with him. Once we began to discover their love languages, we then took on the responsibility of putting what we learned into action. Sure, it takes extra effort to treat them special and individually but it's not about what they like, but moreover about what they require as developing little people.
We take opportunities now to make a big deal about Connie's gymnastics or academic accomplishments. When she wants us to “watch her throw a flip” we stop and watch so that we can give her the affirmation she needs. This has brought a brand new harmony and pleasantry to our little family. When we're hustling around to get dinner cooked or help with homework, Carsey will often times want to be held or take a moment to “hug it out”. As much time as this takes out of what we're doing- to not take the time to speak her love language would communicate an absence of love. Sure, we could treat all three of them as one unit and give general directions and expect them to do “what we say”. If we were so naive to think that actually works, their love tank would rarely get filled and they would quite possibly grow up into adulthood depleted from a language of love that was instilled in them by the one that created love, God. There have been so many experiences of enlightenment and joy created by simply speaking their love language that I would literally be sitting here writting until next year. With that being said, I look forward to sharing the joyous experiences in the coming weeks that speaking their love language has brought to our family.